September is suicide prevention month. This is such a heavy, complicated topic. Maybe you are the one facing thoughts of harming yourself. Maybe you are the one that feels lost and hopeless. You ask yourself why you are going through this situation. You wonder how you got here. Or maybe you know. Maybe your belief is that you messed something up and it cannot be fixed. Maybe someone is telling you that it’s your fault and because you hear it so much, you wonder if it’s true. You think, maybe you are better off not being here anymore. My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Can I tell you that you do not have to deal with this by yourself. You can get help. Regardless of what you think you may have done that is so horrific or unforgivable, you deserve love and compassion. If you feel like your situation is hopeless and it will never get better, please reach out to someone. Tell your doctor, seek professional help, talk to a trusted friend, or at the very least please call a help line. You can even text a crisis line that can aid in helping you get to a better place. They can shed light on your situation and help you navigate any faulty thinking you may have to help you find healing and hope.

Maybe it’s not you, but the suicide topic makes you uncomfortable. You fear saying the wrong thing or making things worse. You say, “that’s a professional’s job”. I agree a professional is equipped to help someone through this difficult season. However, most people feel more comfortable with opening up to someone they already know. Trust is important, they want to know that they will not be judged, criticized, or shamed.

A few warning signs to look out for are:

Warning signs: 

1. Talking about wanting to die

2. Talking about suicide or preoccupation with death 

3. Isolating from others

4. Taking dangerous risks

5. Displaying mood swings out of the ordinary

6. Change in eating or sleeping habits

7. Increase in substance use

8. Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy 

9. Negative thinking about themselves and life in general

10. Expressed feelings of hopelessness

11. Expressed beliefs of “I’m not good for anyone/I have nothing to offer/I have nothing to live for”.

Please take caution, people do not display all the same signs when contemplating suicide. 

However, these are typical signs we see for those who are contemplating suicide. The best course of action is to make time for your people. Be sure to be honest about your own experience. Being transparent helps others feel comfortable with opening up about their own situations and experiences. Be the person who shows compassion to those who are struggling.

Worried you will say the wrong thing or make things worse?

What you can do:

1. Be honest: Be open about your own experience. This helps others know they are not alone in what they are feeling. Be honest about what you are noticing and express your concern.

2. Don’t judge: They are not going through this because they need more faith or are weak. The struggle could be for several reasons.

3. Don’t shame: Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. Human beings have emotions and have the right to be validated in what they are experiencing.

4. Be compassionate: Show care and concern for your loved one. Let them know you are there to listen or just be present. 

5. Don’t minimize their experience: Validate what they are feeling. It is not a phase. It will not blow over. They are not being dramatic, over thinking, exaggerating, etc. 

6. Listen and validate their emotions: Your loved one has a right to feel and experience their emotions. It is their reality in this moment. You can say something like, "that sounds hard". 

If you can’t relate to their experience, just listen, remind your loved one why they are important to you and encourage them to get professional help. Not because they are weak, or don’t have enough faith, or can’t handle things. Sometimes people get too emotionally close to a situation, and they need professional help to navigate the negative thinking or faulty core beliefs. They may need to learn coping skills that work better for them. Professionals even need professional help from time to time.

Suicide and Crisis line:  call or text 988

Crisis text line: Text Hello to 741741

Oklahoma Mental Health hotline: 866-903-3787